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Archives: May 2009
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Archives: May 2009
The return of Agony Bloke!
Back in the day we used to run an agony column as part of the magazine. People wrote in with all sorts of questions and conundrums and our very special Agony Bloke would write replies to try and help people follow Jesus better. As our older achives are currently down we thought we'd revisit some of Agony Bloke's best moments... the advice is still relevant, so take a look. We hope it helps!
My Christian friend had sex. Now she feels bad...
Dear Agony Bloke,
I have a friend who has has had sex. She goes to my church and I know she is a Christian. She knows she has done wrong but feels so guilty that she can’t go to God and ask for forgiveness.
I’ve tried explaining about Gods grace but she bottles it up and tries to forget about it. I think its affecting her relationship with God. What advise could I give her other than prayer?
Cheers
Mark
Agony Blokes response...
Dear Mark
Thanks for writing in about your friend that you're concerned about.
Men and women are made with complex desires and emotions, and real needs. We're also made to come together in emotional, physical and spiritual fusion: all three come together in sexual intimacy and God's highest intention for us is to see that happens in marriage. That life-long commitment to another is the only place that rightly honours and enshrines the disclosure of truly being intimate with another person.
However, we often want to shortcut God's best intention for us and go straight for the buzz where often our needs for love and acceptance go unmet. It’s a quick fix. It’s sin. It falls short of God’s best for us.
While it feels good, it damages us. It can only damage us because it's not what we're made for. God then doesn't like sex outside of marriage because it doesn't honour ourselves and it doesn't honour him.
It grieves him because we're not living in the fullness he intends for us, and that's what angers him. You've said that to your friend. But God isn't controlling. He's gracious. He allows us the space to make mistakes, wooing us back to him so that he can console us in his comfort and restore us to the dignity he's got for us.
It's not your responsibility to get your friend back to God. That's her choice to respond. I wouldn't pressure her about it. Not least because you're a guy and she's a girl and you're treading on emotionally very sensitive ground.
You've said it, so now step back and let God do the rest. You are showing her something of God's character by being there and supportive, not rejecting her for her sin but demonstrating kindness.
Pray for her when you're on your own and let God do the convicting and assuring of grace. Probing, guilt trips, or bugging her will only drive her away.
Being supportive and accepting will be the biggest help to her in finding God again.
Well done
My best friend's dumped me, what do I do?
Dear Agony Bloke,
I'm having a hard time with my best friend at the moment. She's a christian, and has just left my church to go to Uni in Edinburgh. I went over to spend time with her in February and it was really hard to see her new life, without me, and with lots of other people. It felt like she was almost forgetting me and all her other friends over here.
She's back for vacation right now, and in the past 2 weeks, I've only seen her about 5 minutes to chat at church. I've sent a few emails, and phoned twice, but I feel like she's making no effort to see me, or anything. When I showed her photos of my trip, she was getting really excited because all her friends were on them.
It's my birthday next week, and I asked her if she wanted to come over, and she said she'd let me know... which, I've come to realise, means no! I feel lonely, and don't know how to communicate with her. I knew she'd change when she left, but I didn't think it would be this painful and hard. Can you help and give some advice?
Thanks a ton
In Him
Anna
Agony Blokes response...
Dear Anna
Ouch! It's hard when friends move on, but what you're talking about is quite a common phenomenon. When friends move on and go to University their whole world changes! They meet new people, are introduced to new ideas, new ways of living, thinking and being. They see beyond just their home town, and get a taste of a bigger life than they'd known existed before.
For your friend it is a very exciting adventure and she is probably slightly surprised herself at how quickly shes been able to move on.
It does mean people back home experience everything you're going, from feeling like they are 'dropped' to being 'old news', 'uncool' and 'unwanted'. And that is painful and sad. But I think it's a situation you may need to get used to. Not all friendships last a lifetime and no friendships stays constant - even the very best ones that last for years will have moments of real closeness and times when you hardly see each other.
It may be that as she gets used to Uni life that your friendship may resume. But if it doesn't you may just need to grieve that your friendship has fully matured and moved on. That's not to rubbish how wonderful it was at the time nor that the memories you share are worthless.
It just means that nothing in this life lasts. It's what we call "Change": some people like it, most hate it!
And with friendships its hard. Whether we move away, or a friend does, either with Uni, with jobs, a family move, or even death, hopefully we will always be experiencing the pain of saying goodbye to friends because we'll always be moving on with what God has for us.
And that's the main thing for you to realise.
It's OK to feel upset, but you will need to move on. Don't give your friend a hard time, don't leave snotty messages on her voicemail or talk about her badly because you feel rejected - just bless her in your heart to move on, let her go and don't try to control her into liking you like she used to.
As you get over it there will be new friendships for you and, as God takes you on the exciting journey of your life, you will learn to love new people.
About Agony Bloke...
Agony Bloke stopped writing responses a few years back now. It's not because we don't love you, but because we just couldn't deal with the volume of enquiries coming in. If you have a issue you need help working through we really suggest talking to you youth leader, church leader or a good friend.
Soul Survivor is a Christian charity that puts on events for young people. Our registered charity no. is 1080720. We are also a company limited by guarantee in England & Wales. Our company registered number is 03991111, which is nice. Thanks for caring.
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