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archives: february 2011
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archives: february 2011
help! i'm single on valentine's day!
by naomi millard
It’s that time of year where it doesn’t matter where you go, you are surrounded by love hearts and red balloons and all sorts of soppy cards and presents that you just can’t escape – no matter how hard you try!
This can feel like a really lonely time of year if we are single, when we ask ourselves all sorts of questions like ‘Why don’t I have a boyfriend/ girlfriend?’, or even ‘What’s wrong with me?’
I am telling you now NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU!
Sometimes as teenagers it can feel like we are defined by our relationship status. It’s one of the first things we ask when we meet each other ‘Hi, what’s your name? How are you? Do you have a boyfriend/ girlfriend?’ and sometimes there is that horrible gut-wrenching feeling that makes us insecure when we answer this with no.
Just because we are feeling uncomfortable and lonely doesn’t mean we should focus our lives around the opposite sex. It’s really easy to fall into the habit of behaving a certain way and making ourselves look a certain way just so that we can be what we think appeals to the opposite sex, but there is no guarantee that what we think appeals to the opposite sex is actually what they like!
Putting in huge amounts of effort could all be a waste of time. It can leave us feeling empty and miserable. As we put more and more effort into being somebody we’re not, it just makes us feel more and more inadequate and that the ‘real me’ isn’t good enough. Pretending to be somebody we’re not really drains our energy and leaves us feeling deflated.
In the world we live in, there is huge amounts of pressure to focus on distractions rather than God, such as fashion, sports, especially members of the opposite sex. Sometimes the search for ‘the one’ can take over our lives and become all we care about, but God says if we seek His kingdom first, He will supply all that we need.
Looking at some of the people I know, I see those who have had multiple marriages and multiple partners who are only just discovering (now that they are middle aged), that the space in their hearts can only be filled by God, and that one human will never be able to fill it alone. Feeling complete is something that we can only achieve through God, we need to stop looking elsewhere and let God take control. Trusting in God that he will provide for us is really hard, but that’s where we need to take a step of faith. There may be tough decisions to make and difficult circumstances to work through. But at least if God’s in control, we know we are on the right path.
That’s one of the wonderful things about God. We may think we know everything. We may think that we know what’s best for ourselves and what we need and when. But actually God knows the bigger picture, and we are quite often wrong. He will never give us absolutely everything we want, because it’s just not healthy.
I remember when I was 10 years old, I prayed to God every day that this one boy at school would not only notice me, but would decide that he wanted to be my boyfriend. Needless to say, this didn’t happen and actually God definitely knew best. Looking back now I can laugh at how completely wrong I was. I had based my interest around a version of him that I had almost completely made up only having talked to the boy a few times!
There is good reason why it says ‘your will be done’ in the Lord’s prayer. It is really important that we focus on what God has planned for our lives rather than what we have planned for them. I made a plan when I was about six. I was going to do well in school and go to university. I would be married by 22 and have children at 25 and 28. When things didn’t turn out that way, and I didn’t go to university, I began to feel lost. What was I going to do with my life?
But then I realised that my plans were unrealistic and silly to start with, (I hadn’t even planned for life after 30!) I should have been listening to all the people in my church who had been telling me what God had planned for me, rather than focussing on what I thought I was meant to do.
God had a plan for me and I was too busy trying to fill my life with other things to be content with how I was, or to pay attention to what God had planned for me. I didn’t once stop to think that God loves us regardless of whether or not we have a boyfriend or a girlfriend. I eventually realised that our job is to make sure our focus is on Him, and to make sure we love God and that we don’t let anybody or anything get in the way of that.
About the author
Naomi works with us at Soul Survivor helping out on the Communications team with fun stuff like websites, all our literature and such like! She's 18 and lives in Luton, which is nice.
Soul Survivor is a Christian charity that puts on events for young people. Our registered charity no. is 1080720. We are also a company limited by guarantee in England & Wales. Our company registered number is 03991111, which is nice. Thanks for caring.
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