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archives: december 2011
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archives: december 2011
self control
by liza hoeksma
As I write this I’m feeling a bit sick. Before you give me any sympathy I should probably tell you that I just ate a whole tube (yes a tube not a measly packet) of Malteasers and it’s only 10am. Not the best example of self-control.
My parents didn’t bring me up this way. To their credit they tried to teach me self-control and the way we open our Christmas presents is a prime example. They were always happy for my brother, sister and I to play with the presents in our stockings as soon as we woke up (except the year I woke at 3am and my parents had foolishly put a kids accordion in my stocking, but that’s another story). But, when it came to our main presents we had to exercise much more self-control. We all had to have breakfast and get dressed first, then we’d take turns to pick a present from under the tree to give to someone else. Can you even imagine the patience? You never knew when you would get a gift as the presents were all picked at random. The agony!
But it has taught me a valuable lesson (annoying when you realise your parents are right isn’t it?). It’s really, really good for us to learn self-control. The Bible tells us that self-control is one of the fruits of the Spirit i.e. the more time you spend with God, the more you become like Him and one of the qualities you will start displaying is self-control.
It gets a bit of a bad press though doesn’t it? Self-control just sounds a bit, well, a bit boring. As a child I had to trust my parents that they weren’t trying to spoil our fun in making us wait but knew that we would all enjoy the day much more if it wasn’t all over in ten minutes. As a Christian I have to trust my Father in heaven that He also isn’t trying to spoil my fun and knows what’s best for me.
Christmas seems to be a time full of temptation - whatever you struggle with – flirting, alcohol, shopping, eating – all the Christmas parties and preparations seem designed to trip you up. So what can we do to exercise some self-control and avoid messing up?
The first thing is to know your own areas of weakness. We’re all tempted by different things: some of us can’t walk into a shopping centre without buying ourselves a pair of shoes we don’t need and can’t afford, others can’t eat a couple of chocolates without scoffing the whole box.
It's really easy to think we can handle things by ourselves and that with the will and determination we won't get caught out, but the truth is we need God's help.
Whatever area you know you need some self-control, bring it before God. It’s really easy to think we can handle things by ourselves and that with the will and determination we won’t get caught out, but the truth is we need God’s help. We have to face these things in His strength and not our own.
Be accountable. It can be hard to admit to your mates that you aren’t in control of a situation but you’re much more likely to succeed if you’ve got someone who’s in it with you. You don’t have to tell everyone what you struggle with but a trusted friend will be ready to keep you accountable for your behaviour. For example, if you’re old enough to drink, tell someone who will be at the same party as you what your limit is. It will be a lot easier to say no to that extra drink that will tip you over the edge and get you drunk.
Find out what’s going on inside you - usually we struggle with things because there’s something wrong, so it can be an eye-opener to ask God to show you why you feel the need to flirt/over-eat/spend more money than you have etc. Are you trying to meet some other emotional need or cover an insecurity? God knows that our way of dealing with our pain may feel like it helps in the short term but it doesn’t actually improve the situation and can often make it worse. But God can heal us of our brokenness and bring us the freedom He longs for us to have…
Have fun! Self-control isn’t all about denying yourself completely – it’s actually finding the balance between too much and too little. At Christmas we’re celebrating the birth of Jesus who came to give us ‘life to the full’ – God’s not about making us stay at home, on our own, away from temptation – He asks us to demonstrate self-control so we can use the good things He has given us and not let them control us.
So next time, perhaps I need to make it just a small packet of Malteasers and you can all keep me accountable…
about the writer
Liza is a writer. She works for Soul Survivor a few days a week as well as doing a whole bunch of freelance stuff too. She's co-written quite a few books and is quite partial to a bit of X Factor.
Soul Survivor is a Christian charity that puts on events for young people. Our registered charity no. is 1080720. We are also a company limited by guarantee in England & Wales. Our company registered number is 03991111, which is nice. Thanks for caring.
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