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Archives: May 2010
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Archives: May 2010
'Blame Sue'
By Dan Etheridge
What about Gordon Brown calling that lady a ‘bigoted woman’? Uh oh! He must have felt pretty bad, a moment of private venting aired around the world all thanks to a wireless microphone he’d forgotten was still on him. But forget ‘that woman’, it wasn’t her fault! So whose was it?
Gordon Brown: ‘That was a disaster. Should never have put me with that woman. Whose idea was that?’
Aide: ‘I don’t know, I didn’t see’.
Brown: ‘Sue’s, I think. Just ridiculous.’
Poor Sue; blamed by her colleagues for a disastrous conversation that she wasn’t even involved in. It’s tough working in politics, but I’m guessing Sue isn’t the only one who’s ever been blamed by her friends for something that wasn’t really her fault. I reckon all of us have at some point been caught out talking about mates behind their backs or maybe you’ve even overheard friends talking not so nicely about you. Either way, it’s not nice.
Right at the beginning of the story of God’s relationship with the world and with us we read of a similar ‘Sue’ moment. There’s God, a tree, forbidden fruit, a snake, a man, and a woman. It’s the story of Adam and Eve, the eating of the fruit and the recognition that humanity has disobeyed God. It’s a story of the fall and temptation, a story of independence and a story that resonates with all of us who have a relationship with God. As the story reaches its climax, God and Adam have this exchange:
And he asked ‘Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree which I commanded you not to eat?’ The man said ‘The woman you put here with me – she gave me some fruit from the tree and I ate it’.
Genesis 3v11-12
Well done Adam! Firstly he blames Eve whilst she can hear him, and then insinuates it’s also God’s fault anyway for putting Eve with him. It’s not too kind is it? We all get defensive when we recognise we’ve made mistakes and it’s almost impossible not to come up with some kind of excuse to explain our behaviour, even if it means blaming a friend! Obviously the ideal is that we don’t blame our mates for situations we mess up in, but what do you do if it’s too late for ideals and you’ve already put your foot in your mouth? What about if you’ve been hurt because you overheard a friend blame you? Here’s some basic advice for both parties:
Advice for Gordons and Adams
Right, you’ve made a massive mistake. Whatever the situation, if you’ve found yourself like Gordon or Adam passing the buck and blaming a friend for something you did then you need to apologise. It’s not worth letting the situation get out of hand, so ask for God’s Spirit to help you humbly say sorry. Explain how you felt and why, but don’t dwell on all your reasons for too long, you don’t want to waffle on in self pity and end up saying something much worse!
Our boss Mikey P often talks about a line from some very old film that none of us has ever seen, which goes like this ‘loving someone means you never have to say you’re sorry’. We know that’s not true. Loving someone means making mistakes and being vulnerable. It means you commit, in the good times and the times you mess up. If you love your friend you’re going to have to say sorry! Finally you might want to pray about how you can ask God’s Spirit to help you be more positive about your friends, to always see the best in them, to encourage them and talk openly about their good points. Just imagine if they overheard you then, they’d be well chuffed!
Advice for Sues and Eves
Firstly it’s ok to feel a bit betrayed and let down, but try not to stick with that for too long. You need to have some grace and be able to address the situation and not let it linger. It’s likely if you’re being blamed that you had something to do with what happened in the first place, even if you know none of it was your fault (Eve did pick the fruit and Sue might have thought Gordon should do a walk about, talking to locals!).
The best thing to do is ask God to help you forgive the person and then speak to your friend face to face (Facebook messages or text can often be way too easily mis-interpreted). Try to tell them why what they said upset you, and if you know you should have been around or had some involvement, admit it and apologise too. Most importantly don’t resort to being like them and hanging out with other mates saying things like ‘Do you know what he said…’ That sort of thing just puts you in the Gordon and Adam camp, and that’s not fun either!
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If you’re resonating with Gordon, Adam, Sue or Eve at the moment then we really hope things get sorted. As always we’re desperate to see you chaps bringing your lives and concerns to Jesus, so start with him. He’s the one who has stood before God and taken the blame for us, so he can definitely speak into your situation whatever it is!
About the author
Dan does all sorts. He works for Soul Survivor and helps edit this magazine. He writes other words and resources, designs and builds websites (including the one you are on) and dabbles in a bit of graphic design. He's currently listening to a few different things including Cherbourg, Mimicking Birds and the Wilderness of Manitoba. He wishes he could grow a beard but can't. He tried.
Soul Survivor is a Christian charity that puts on events for young people. Our registered charity no. is 1080720. We are also a company limited by guarantee in England & Wales. Our company registered number is 03991111, which is nice. Thanks for caring.
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