Archives: July 2009

Choosing to forgive...

By Jeannie Morgan

We have all had others sin against us, some of us more than others. It hurts the most when it is people we love, or who are especially close to us; our parents, brothers or sisters, teachers, pastors or friends.

Recently I re-read the story about the life of Joseph in the Bible (Genesis Ch 37-50). I have read it before but this time I read the 14 chapters in one go and was amazed at such love and forgiveness shown by Joseph to those who had so abused him.

Josephs grand dreams about them made them angry. His brothers didnt deal with their anger and it turned to hatred and then when they left it even longer, it changed to thoughts of murder. The fact that he was their Fathers favourite fuelled their hatred with jealousy and bitter resentment.

One day they pushed him down a deep pit to leave him for dead. Two of the brothers were reluctant to kill him, so sold him to a passing group of travellers who sold him, a slave, to an official in Egypt. Then they lied to their Father, showed him Josephs coat dipped in animals blood, they deceived him into thinking that Joseph was dead.

Ephesians 4 v 26 says, in your anger do not sin dont let the sun go down on your anger and do not let the devil get a foothold. It is ok to get angry, but we need to do something with it so satan cant take advantage of it. We need to give vent to the feelings of it, to get it out of our system in a way that does not abuse someone else. Otherwise, like Josephs brothers, anger leads to other sins. After a while their guilt grew and consumed them for 13 years!

Once sold into slavery, and then later falsely charged for attempted rape, Joseph had a long time to think about what his brothers had done to him: physical abuse, mental anguish, denying him the love of his Father, emotional abuse and being put into slavery, as well as leaving the country of his birth. As with a lot of people who have been abused, he did not stop loving them. Instead, he must have felt lonely, deeply confused and abandoned by the God who had given him such big dreams he was just 17yrs old.

Imprisoned in pain

Sometimes people that have been abused seem to think that they were to blame even though they were not. They carry the blame and shame upon themselves and need to declare out loud I have done nothing to deserve being imprisoned. Thats what shame and blaming ourselves does, it imprisons us. In Genesis 40 v 15 Joseph comes to the point where he declares his innocence about his abduction and about his imprisonment. I was forcibly carried off I have done nothing to deserve being put in a dungeon. With this admission made, Joseph was able to allow God to come and heal him.

Joseph was a slave but lived a life of freedom because he had released forgiveness was healed and set free from his pain. He had released forgiveness and blessing was healed- was fruitful. By contrast his brothers were free but lived lives that were enslaved by guilt shame-and remorse.

How do we forgive someone?

So, do we ask God to help us forgive someone and then wait for feelings of forgiveness to come and then forgive? No, thats not how it works. The Bible has some lofty ideals. It says in Colossians 3v13 to, Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Jesus, in the Lords Prayer, puts it, Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.

Joseph had a lot of pain and anger to deal with, and lots of time to contemplate his misery. But as weve seen, its not good to let those natural emotions fester into bitterness and the sorts of emotions that led Josephs brothers to commit their abuse in the first place. Like us, Joseph would have struggled, wanting revenge. But Joseph would have trusted God to deal with the outcome: Do not take revenge my friends, but leave room for Gods wrath, for it is written: It is mine to avenge; I will repay says the Lord (Romans 12 v 18).

Here are some steps (if only it were as neat as this!):

1. Feel the pain its caused you. Were not talk about sweep it under the carpet as I have swept your sins under the carpet! Jesus felt it full on when he took our sins on the cross. Hes dealt with real life; so let it all out in words, in tears. Where youve strayed into bitterness, resentment and plotting ask for your own forgiveness.