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archives: january 2012
the great 'i am not'
by mike pilavachi
I write this having just returned from a ministry trip to New Zealand. I was invited to take part in some festivals there, a bit like the Soul Survivor events we run here in the UK. The week before I had been diagnosed with a stomach ulcer and I arrived feeling exhausted and pretty unwell. Partly as a result of this I also felt quite spiritually jaded.
I arrived in the morning and was set to speak in the evening. Now, I'm getting older, and as the meeting went on, I suddenly felt my age. The loud music, funny ice-breakers and general high octane goings on were all having a slightly averse affect on me. I suddenly felt all of my 53 years (yep, that's my real age!)
I felt totally out of place. I sat there wondering what I was doing there and wishing I was back home in my garden watching my vines grow and listening to Radio 2. I was a very un-trendy fat old man wishing he had ear plugs and praying for the Simon and Garfunkel revival. I was counting the minutes until I had to get up and speak. I felt like the condemned man about to face his fate.
Then I was on. I have to be honest, my talk wasn't great. I think it was very nearly my worst ever. I lost my train of thought, I rambled, I didn’t connect the points and finally I came to a halt. “I will never be invited back here,” I thought, “And even if I am, I will say no.”
They had asked me to give an opportunity to those who might want to give their lives to Jesus and then pray for any who wanted to be filled with the Holy Spirit. I asked for any who wanted to follow Jesus to come forward. I was just working out how to take the meeting forward after the inevitable non-response when people started to walk forward from all over the room.
I couldn’t believe it. After a few minutes about two hundred were standing in front of me. Some were in tears. Their friends were clapping and cheering. Then I invited any who wanted to ask Jesus to fill them with his Spirit to walk forward. Over half of the gathering tried to come to the front. We began to pray for them. It was glorious.
I sat there wondering what I was doing there and wishing I was back home in my garden watching my vines grow and listening to Radio 2. I was a very un-trendy fat old man wishing he had ear plugs and praying for the Simon and Garfunkel revival.
All over the place I saw the evidence of encounters with Jesus, and the joy and adoration which followed. And these people were not used to this at all. The Holy Spirit was doing what I have seen him do with many different types of people in many parts of the world. The rejoicing at the end of the evening was a sight to behold.
So what is the lesson? Exactly the same lesson that I have had to learn and re-learn so many times in my life. It is not about us, it is all about him. He chooses the foolish things of this world to shame the wise, the weak things of this world to shame the strong.
Paul told the Corinthians, “I came to you in weakness and fear and with much trembling”. He really does put the treasure of his life in our jars of clay. His strength is made perfect in our weakness.
God’s job is to save, our job is to love. We really have been crucified with Christ; it is therefore no longer we who live but Christ who lives within us! With God, nothing is impossible. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. He is the great “I am!” That means I am the not so great “I am not!”
I need to take myself a lot less seriously while taking him very seriously. When we seek to obey his commands, he is with us and sustains us and is able to do more than we can ask or even imagine. Let us press on and persevere and not give up. Let us not look to our feelings or our inadequacies but instead look to him, the author and sustainer of our faith.
about the writer
Mike head up all things Soul Survivor. He says he supports Manchester United (shame), likes to cook greek food and loves watching the West Wing when he's not checking one of his 4 Facebook accounts!
A version of this article originally featured in Youthwork Magazine, who are very kind in letting us republish it here...
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