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Archives: February 2009
Reality...
Archives: February 2009
To send or not to send
(a Valentine's Day
card)...
By lots and lots of people...
Thinking of sending a Valentine's Day card to that someone special this year? We've all sent one (or several) in our time but what about when it all goes wrong and the person we like doesn't like us back?
Tough situation to deal with hey? Well, you're not alone. Love and relationships are a complicated business and the decision to send a card and put yourself out there is about as vulnerable as it gets.
But it's not all pain and heartache. Valentine's Day is supposed to be fun too, and most of us have some good memories of getting a nice romantic message!
So, when should you send a card, should you bother at all and just be honest
rather than hide behind a card and what does Jesus think of the whole concept? Big questions... here's a few random answers!
1. Have you ever received a Valentine's card from someone you weren’t keen on? How did you deal with it?
"I received a valentine's card from a guy in my maths class who I really didn’t like! I dealt with it badly. I went and told all of my friends and laughed about it every time he walked past (behind his back). He eventually plucked up the courage to talk to me where he asked me out! I was so embarrassed that I told him I wouldn’t date him because he wasn’t a Christian. I can now say that he became a Christian…. Although I still didn’t date him! Probably not the best way to have dealt with it by gossiping but maybe it turned out as a good form of evangelism!"
Rachel
"I got roses. After a brief panic, I phoned them, thanked them, and then turned down the invitation of dinner (politely, and sensitively I hope). It was very awkward for about two weeks. I think sometime later that month they came over, had dinner with a few friends and after that evening things went back to normal.
For a while afterwards I was careful on how and when we spoke and spent time together, just to try and make sure I never gave the wrong impression. I’m pretty certain the worse thing you can do is try and cut them out of your life completely: it’s horrible for them, and takes far too much concentrated effort, particularly if they’re someone you’d otherwise see pretty regularly."
Jane
“I was about 8… looking back, that’s way too young to be getting a Valentine's card. But still, being the young and dashing child I was, I did indeed receive a romantic message (as did most people in my class). With the middle school crowd being the little gossip urchins we know they are, by morning break it had transpired that my card was from a blonde haired girl in my class called Melissa.
The thing is, back then, I didn’t like girls. I liked football, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Transformers (not much has changed). A girl liking me was not good, especially as all my friends started singing ‘Dan and Melissa sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g’. Firstly, I’d never been in a tree with Melissa and secondly I didn’t want to kiss anybody… the song was all lies.
So after a day of torture and torment where for some reason I thought I had to accept my punishment and have a girlfriend, I decided to ignore the situation entirely, rip up the card and pretend the girl didn’t exist. I don’t remember speaking to her ever again… and that was 2 more years of school. Looking back, I think that probably wasn’t the best way to deal with the situation. I hope she isn’t scarred as a result.“
Dan
"Yeah, I have received a card from someone I didn't like. The last time was really awkward, as I went from excitement at the thought of all the possible girls it could be from, to disappointment when I was told who it was actually from, to guilt for feeling the disappointment, to embaressment when I met the girl and had to pretend that I didn't know she'd sent it. What's worse was she then had to pretend that she didn't like me!! Denial isn't the greatest of approaches to take, but sometimes it's an effective one."
Paul
2. Have you ever sent a Valentine's card and been totally rejected?
"Oh yeah, I've sent MANY cards that were rejected. I think it's just part of the course. Sometimes you've just gotta take a step out there and accept that you may well fall on your face pretty spectacularly, and yeah I've fallen like the best of 'em.
I remember one time I did the whole deal, with a card and chocolates sent to school. Being 13 the rejection stung but I like to think that somehow it helped make me the man I am."
Paul
I last sent a valentine's card when I was 14. I spent all night making a really special card (I even went to the effort of sticking specially selected love hearts onto the front!). I got to school early on valentine's day so that I could leave it on his desk without him knowing. I then waited for him to arrive. When he got there he opened the card, laughed about it with his mates, ate the sweets off the front and threw it in the bin! After that I decided I didn’t like him anyway!
Rachel
3. Is it a good idea to send a valentine's card… shouldn’t you just be honest with someone you fancy?
"Everyone likes to know that they are loved so I think sending valentine’s cards are really nice, although honesty is always good!"
Rachel
"It’s great to let people around you know you love them as often as possible. So if you’re either in a relationship , or have a strong enough friendship where there’s no interest, then Valentine's Day cards are a great idea to tell people that you think they’re amazing. On the whole though I’m prepared to say that it’s widely perceived to be a bit whimsical - often more a fun gesture than a serious proposition!
But saying that being honest is tough because it inevitably requires you to be vulnerable, and I don’t know too many people who are great at that! I guess you just have to be yourself, be consistent, and be a little bit brave."
Jane
"I dunno, I kinda like the concept of Valentine's Day... a day when romance is remembered, and a day when personal embaressment is celebrated all the world over ! Is it right to send a card? Yeah, why not? Make it a first step to see what the response will be. I think the trouble comes when our whole world will come crashing down if the response is a bad one.
If we can trust that our life is in God's hands, and if we're getting prayer and wisdom from people about our love life as well, then go for it. But a card alone won't solve our problems (unless it's a really big one, accompanied with flowers, chocolates, cuddly toys, and a chick-flick DVD, in which case you're sorted!)"
Paul
"Sending the card in the first place takes guts or a desire to show someone your appreciation, whether that be to a partner, girl/boyfriend, your mates or your mum! I think the motive behind the action is what counts, just make sure that your reasons for sending the card are not a cop out for actually telling that person you care for them. Go and tell them yourself, I’m sure they wont bite!"
Emily
4. What do you reckon Jesus thinks about sending valentine's cards?
I think Jesus would have sent Valentine's cards, he would have meant every word he put in there though and he would have the guts to put his name on the bottom as he loves us!
Rachel
"I think Jesus thinks they’re brilliant. It’s so good to let people know you think they’re great. We’re commanded to love one another, and we all know that love isn’t just about how we feel about people, but it’s about what we do, the way we treat them, and what we say about them. When people put themselves out to make little or big gestures so that we know that we’re important to them, we feel encouraged and valued!"
Jane
"I reckon Jesus is totally up with couples getting together... it was his plan in the first place. I also think he's totally up for romance between that couple, as again, that was his plan. What I don't think he's up for is the idolatry of couples, of romance itself and the thought that unless you're with someone then you're a lesser person.
The "airbrushed-boobs, hearts, flowers & cosmetic surgery industry" that surrounds romance would probably make him as mad as the traders in the temple, as it's taking something beautiful and twisting it into something ugly. Saying that, God is love, so if the heart behind the card is good, then I think he'd even pay for the stamp."
Paul
"I think he would appreciate that relationships can be expressed with this form of communication. I'm not too sure he’d be happy about the whole advertisers and card companies that cash in on the day. But saying that they are only providing a service and if they do it as it says in Colossians 3: 22-24 ‘Work as if working for the Lord…’ I’m sure Jesus might give it the nod of approval."
Emily
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